Building Emotional Trust
Since discovering the lack of emotional trust, I’ve been trying to make up for it. It’s been more than a year since I began and I’ve been creating an emotional bonding and building trust, but trust takes time. However, a huge win was him saying that I’m always there for him. HUGE WIN!
We got back to doing bedtime stories together (which he hasn’t been interested in since he started sixth grade), creating time for him to share his thoughts without judgment. He can talk about his Fortnite or Minecraft or whatever other strategy game he’s excited about. Of course he could always do this but I want to go deeper. I want him to know he can tell me anything and trust me. My heart ached for a long time for us. For what I left on the table all those years ago and for not even realizing I’d left it there until so recently.
Emotional connection to our children is so critical to their ability to interact with the rest of the family, friends, romantic partners and engage with the world in general.
Children who don’t receive that emotional nurturing try to find it elsewhere. It might be unhealthy behaviors like drugs, alcohol, unsafe sex, overeating, and other risky behaviors. They may get into and stay in unhealthy relationships seeking that emotional security.
Emotionally nurturing a child is more than asking how school was or how their day was and then going to your room and closing the door or scrolling through social media. Take time where you can be fully present and engaged. They know. Remember, kids are always watching you. I’ve had to learn that when we are sitting down at the table talking my phone is down. It only comes up if we together want to look up something that comes up in conversation.
For example we might be talking about how Venus looks closer sometimes so we have to look up why that is. Or we just watched Colin in Black and White and they keep mentioning these other siblings in the story and we need to know who they are. Three of us are Capricorns and we just have to know these things.
Emotionally supporting and nurturing your child includes being legitimately interested in their life, activities, friends, concerns, pains, joys, and the things that light them up and they can’t stop talking about and the thing that has them riding home staring off blankly and silent. It’s being in tune with their emotions and noticing the subtle shifts.
It’s noticing their body language when they are shutting down emotionally or about to and with grace and love and a nurturing voice, reminding them you are there, whenever they need you and are ready. You are there for them. And be there, when they are ready to talk.
