Getting Clear

As those dogged days of July turned into the dogged days of August our lives shifted. Majorly. My husband retired and I suddenly was faced with something I hadn’t expected. The impact it would have on me. You know how people ask what you’d do if you could do anything you wanted? And we hypothesize we’d do everything we ever dreamed and really change the world?

Well, I realized I was in one of those moments when I could do anything I wanted and at the same time realizing that I’d spent the better part of twenty years doing what I had to do and needed to do for the best interest of my family.

Don’t get me wrong my family is always top priority, but they too are changing and growing. A retired husband, a daughter in college, and a son in middle school means suddenly there is time and flexibility I have never really had as a parent. I felt like I was this nice bowl of jello, neatly contained and solidifying and suddenly someone just poured me onto the counter.

Now, five weeks later I’m starting to get more clear. I’m still going to give myself until the end of the year or start of next year before deciding if and what I’ll share about my next steps but there will be changes.

My big aha? Just because others expect it of me doesn’t mean I have to do it. I can choose to do something completely different. I can shift things from the back burner to the front. Suddenly I’m free to flow in the direction I’m most naturally inclined and not where I believe I should go.

I’ve been writing and doing readings and hoping I could make some meaningful impact in the world for so long. Unfortunately, I have yet to crack open the golden egg that allows me to say, yes I’m making a real difference in measure with the effort I’m putting out there. I can humbly look at the stovetop with all the things I’ve been cooking and say that some things have cooked long enough and they just haven’t turned out right or they are burnt and I’ve spent too much time trying to salvage them. It’s time to let them go.

I’ve had interests I couldn’t really pursue but have been sitting on the back burner, slowly simmering for what seems like forever and it’s finally time to turn up the heat.

Some things are just sitting in a dry pot. The water has burnt off and I didn’t even add salt. It’s time to just get rid of it so I can make room for something different.

Maybe I’ll surprise you. Maybe not. But I’m feeling this season of change strongly. It won’t be for about six months when I know whether the last pot is staying on or coming off. I’m a very different person since I even put it on the stove.

On this Labor Day I guess I’m reflecting on the labor of my life. A labor I want to be filled with love and purpose. I want to love my labor and I want it to be purposeful, impactful. I don’t want it to just be a labor born from external expectations – something that has shaped too much of my life. Something I have been working on freeing myself from for years.

In this season I get to ask myself not only who am I becoming but instead who do I desire to become so I can truly live out my purpose, have a positive impact on my community and the world, and enjoy my life and loved ones while doing it?

Here’s to seasons of change and the labors of life.🥂

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