BernetteBefore I dive into my four tips to be a happier parent, how did I get to this blog post? December is always an interesting month for me. It’s a season of joy and celebration. It’s filled with holidays and all the activity that goes along with it. Shopping, decorating, wrapping, more last minute gifts, the family at home, cooking and making lots more meals, and thinking ahead. Around mid December I can’t help but start thinking about the next year and month. I think about what wishes I have for my future which got me thinking about you too.
My birthday is in mid January and my husband’s is in the first week of January. My son’s is the day after mine. So I’m planning Christmas and thinking about birthdays and what I want my life to be like in the next year, and this year – what to do about my son’s milestone 10th birthday while the latest Covid-19 variant blasts its way across the country.
Self-Reflection
There is a lot of reflection mostly. I draw back, wanting to isolate myself in thought – deep thought about life and purpose and my soul’s journey and the work I am here to do and God. It’s difficult with everyone around and being on mom duty 24/7. I am writing this blog post while I have a quiet moment. My daughter asleep, hubby headed into the office for one of the last 2 working days of the year, and my son having slept in.
I want to leave you with four things I wish for you so you can be happier, more fulfilled, and have a more blissful home as we head forward into 2022.
Four Tips Be a Happier Parent
My Wish for You
My wish for you dear one
-By Bernette Sherman
Is that you’ll feel loved and whole
That when you look at your life
The things you’ve done
The things you let past
There’ll be more joy
Than there is regret
That memories made
Are more than photos taken
That the sound of laughter
Echoes deep within your soul
That the smiles of those you love
Are imprints on your heart
And the touch of their hand
Lingers on your fingers and cheeks
My wish for you is love
That love so deep and true
The kind that starts within
And gently whispers I love you
1. Give Yourself Love to Be a Happier Parent
The first thing to do for you be happier is to love yourself. As a parent, especially if your main job is being a stay at home parent, don’t forget to love yourself while you are pouring into everyone else. If your pitcher is empty there isn’t going to be enough to share with those you love and who rely on you to feel and learn what love is. Don’t neglect yourself or your needs or your wants. You are not meant to be a martyr for your family or to sacrifice every desire. You don’t need to prove your worth by suffering. I mean, you are going to sacrifice anyway, let’s not make it a competition. Love yourself. That means do things you enjoy – just because you enjoy them.
When you are happy, that energy will spread to the other areas of your life. You’ll feel better and your family will too. For me, it’s seeing shows. This has been a challenge but I’m all about doing things safely during Covid and being protected so I’ve managed to see a show each month since August – except for December when our show was canceled because of … Covid! Too many performers had it that the show couldn’t go on. It was definitely a bummer but I’ll make up for it in January!
How can you love yourself?
2. Be a Happier Parent by Finding Your Thing
My second wish for you is that you find your thing. When I wrote The Story of Ervin James it was highly inspired (much of it channeled) and taught me a lot. I realized something about the women who didn’t have many options for their lives (in addition to the enslaved people who had even fewer). These women needed to have some creative outlet that was their own. Aside from the required chores of running a home. That’s certainly a job in itself, but it can leave you feeling unfulfilled. If you are a master cook, chef, home-hacker or home organizer, nowadays you may have found your thing since you can help others doing this. If you are average at these things (looks at self) then you may need something else to fulfill the creative side of you.
We all want to be productive and creative. Being an at home parent and wife I know this work is important. My family thrives inside and outside the home in part because of the work I do in the home. However, that alone does not fulfill me. I’m a creative person. I enjoy the creative arts and I enjoy helping people become the next best version of themselves and get clear. I’ve got my work as a spiritual practitioner and coach and my hobby writing and this blog.
What’s your thing?
Not sure? Find out your life themes or get a coaching session.
3. Make Time for You to Be a Happier Parent
It’s easy to get lost as a parent so my third wish so you can be happier is that you make time for you. This is so easy not to do. Ever feel guilty for sitting down and turning on Netflix in the middle of the day? Yep, me too. Unless I”m doing it while folding laundry. How dare I chill like this at 2 in the afternoon? That ends in 2022.
As an at home parent, guess what? I start my day before the kids get up and end it after my husband is in bed. My day is not an eight hour workday. I don’t get off days, holidays, breaks, or vacation days. If I want time, I have to make it. I have to say, ‘hey, I’m going to do this today (insert show or movie).” Or me and my daughter are having lunch or brunch. That’s a fave thing. Or when it’s just me and the dog and cats at home, I’m going to finish my chores in the morning and then watch something I enjoy. (Yeah, don’t have to pick something the whole family wants to watch or that you watch with your partner.)
I’m going to sit down on the sofa and put my feet up with a seltzer water and maybe even some chips and not worry about the fact that the ottoman needs the cat hair rolled off of it because the older cat thinks it’s his personal bed. I may start the dryer though. It doesn’t have to be everyday and some days that time might be listening to an excellent book that motivates and inspires you. This past fall I listened to several that were powerful and transformational.
Now I just have to take action. And that can also be part of making time for you. To get to find your thing, sometimes you have to step back and just give yourself time to think. When my son was a baby he was extremely demanding. As an introvert, time to myself helps me refuel. I found myself doing the very unhealthy thing of staying up late trying to make time for me and do something creative for me. Then the next morning I was exhausted. Not healthy. Make time for yourself to be, refuel, and think or clear your head. It’s part of loving yourself and it helps you see things more clearly so you can find your thing.
How will you make more time for you?
4. Be a Happier Parent by Investing in Yourself
Finally, and this was the hardest thing for me to figure out. Invest in yourself. What? I’m an at home parent! What am I investing in? I know. Sounds crazy.
First of all, what am I investing with? I’ll do another post on this sometime in the next few months to expound on this but let’s just say, you invest in what you care about. We can prioritize everything with where we put our time, talent, and treasure. It shows. It was only a few years ago when I decided to compete for a pageant again that I realized how much I’d neglected myself. I hadn’t worked in an office in nearly a decade and my wardrobe showed it. My style was what my daughter calls early Y2K. I was afraid to spend money unnecessarily on myself.
Unfortunately, this mindset spilled over past my wardrobe. It spilled over into my craft as a writer and self-publishing. I didn’t have a budget and didn’t want to ask hubby since I couldn’t justify it. The pageant certainly helped me to start breaking free from that mindset and it gave me the confidence to reenter the workforce (even if only temporarily).
Maybe you want to be a better cook or learn to sew. There are classes for this. Maybe you want to be a better parent. There are classes for that. Maybe you want a better relationship with your partner. There is coaching for that. Anything you want to learn to do or get better at, there’s a coach or a class for. Want to write that book finally? There’s someone who can help. Want to update your look so you feel more confident? My daughter helps with that. I don’t know what I’d do without her. Truly. Want to learn to sing? Yep, someone for that too. Want to get better organized? That’s an investment for the whole family! Figure out how you want to invest in yourself.
At the end of the day, invest in yourself financially as well. What investment will you make in yourself?
You are the first person you’ll deal with every single day and whenever you are interacting with someone else, you are there. Love yourself, find your thing, make time for yourself, and invest in yourself. If your a woman, it’s time to start living that shero life!
May 2022 be better than 2021 and may you make strides forward.
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